THE GREEN THING

Checking out at Tesco, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologised and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days."

The assistant responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations."

She was right -- our generation didn't have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soft drink bottles and beer bottles to the shop. The shop sent them back to the plant to be washed, sterilised and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day.

We walked up stairs because we didn't have a lift or escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocers and didn't climb into a 200-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 2000 watts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back then. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV or radio in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief not a screen the size of Yorkshire. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the post, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then.

When we were thirsty we drank from a tap instead of drinking from a plastic bottle of water shipped from the other side of the world. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor when the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical socket in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest fish and chip shop.

But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then?

This was sent to my wife, but as we share an email address.... The thing that gets me about it is that it has only been in a person's lifetime that things have got so bad. MY lifetime in fact! It would be my mum that remembers these things as it was while I was growing up that most of the gatgets and disposable things started to be commonplace, so it is MY generation that mucked things up - and we haven't made that much progress in fixing things! In fact, in my experience, very few youngsters are interested in 'The Green Thing' at all....... Personally, I'm worried; trying to do my bit by recycling and all, but unable to go back to the 'golden age' How about you?

FW: JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life..'
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper,
he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words
on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a
piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested
no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service,
she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and
Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem .
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter..'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to
'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment
that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything,
including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when
they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill,
and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded,
'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fw: We was brung up proper

CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1930's 1940's, 50's, 60's and early 70's !

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us and lived in houses made of asbestos. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese, raw egg products, loads of bacon and processed meat, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes or cervical cancer.

Then after that trauma, our baby cots were covered with bright coloured lead-based paints.We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets or shoes, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle. Take away food was limited to fish and chips, no pizza shops, McDonalds , KFC, Subway or Nandos.- Do you remember Wimpy bars and their beef burgers!

Even though all the shops closed at 6.00pm and didn't open on the weekends, somehow we didn't starve to death! God please close all shops on Sundays again.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this. We could collect old drink bottles and cash them in at the corner store and buy Toffees, Gobstoppers, Bubble Gum, Aniseed balls, Black Jacks and Mojos

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soft drinks with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because......WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!! We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of old prams and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. We built tree houses and dens and played in river beds with matchbox cars. We did not have Playstations, Nintendo Wii , X-boxes, no video games at all, no 999 channels on SKY, no video/dvd films, no PSP
no mobile phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms.......... WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, bruised, broke bones and teeth and there were no Lawsuits from these accidents.

Only girls had pierced ears! And that's all they pierced.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

You could only buy Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns at Easter time...We were given air guns and catapults for our 10th birthdays. We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!Mum didn't have to go to work to help dad make ends meet!

RUGBY and CRICKET had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!! Getting into the team was based on MERIT!

Our teachers used to hit us with canes and gym shoes and bully's always ruled the playground at school.

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

Our parents didn't invent stupid names for their kids like 'Kiora', 'Blade', 'Ridge' 'Vanilla' 'Troy' nor did they name us after the place we were conceived.

"And we never had a whole Mars bar until 1993"!!!

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

And YOU are one of them!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives 'For our own good'.

And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.


PS -The big type is because your eyes are not too good at your age anymore

FW: O lny srmat poelpe can ra ed this.

More Brain Stuff . . From Cambridge University . (Didn't try the spell checker!)

O lny srmat poelpe can ra ed this. I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch atCmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wordare, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit aporbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, butthe word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?! Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling wasipmorantt! If you can raed th is psas it on !!

RE: Fw: Daddy's poem

(My 13 year old daughter passed this on to all her friends - and ours! Some thought I had written it, but no... and there was no name on the original mail, so...)

Her hair was up in a pony tail, her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school, and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her, that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand, if she went to school alone

But she was not afraid; she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried, for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again, she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees a dad who never calls.

There were daddies along the wall in back, for everyone to meet.
Children squirming impatiently, anxious in their seats.

One by one the teacher called a student from the class.
To introduce their daddy, as seconds slowly passed.

At last the teacher called her name, every child turned to stare.
Each of them was searching, for a man who wasn't there.

'Where's her daddy at?' she heard a boy call out.
'She probably doesn't have one,' another student dared to shout.

And from somewhere near the back, she heard a daddy say,
'Looks like another deadbeat dad, too busy to waste his day.'

The words did not offend her, as she smiled up at her Mom.
And looked back at her teacher, who told her to go on.

And with hands behind her back, slowly she began to speak.
And out from the mouth of a child, came words incredibly unique.

'My Daddy couldn't be here, because he lives so far away.
But I know he wishes he could be, since this is such a special day.

And though you cannot meet him, I wanted you to know.
All about my daddy, and how much he loves me so.

He loved to tell me stories he taught me to ride my bike.
He surprised me with pink roses, and taught me to fly a kite.

We used to share fudge sundaes, and ice cream in a cone.
And though you cannot see him. I'm not standing here alone.

'Cause my daddy's always with me, even though we are apart
I know because he told me, he'll forever be in my heart'.

With that, her little hand reached up, and lay across her chest.
Feeling her own heartbeat, beneath her favorite dress.

And from somewhere here in the crowd of dads, her mother stood in tears.
Proudly watching her daughter, who was wise beyond her years.

For she stood up for the love of a man not in her life.
Doing what was best for her, doing what was right.

And when she dropped her hand back down, staring straight into the crowd.
She finished with a voice so soft, but its message clear and loud.

'I love my daddy very much, he's my shining star.
And if he could, he'd be here, but heaven's just too far.

You see he was a policeman and died just this past year
When airplanes hit the towers and taught Americans to fear.

But sometimes when I close my eyes, it's like he never went away.'
And then she closed her eyes, and saw him there that day.

And to her mothers amazement, she witnessed with surprise.
A room full of daddies and children, all starting to close their eyes.

Who knows what they saw before them, who knows what they felt inside.
Perhaps for merely a second, they saw him at her side.

'I know you're with me Daddy,' to the silence she called out.
And what happened next made believers, of those once filled with doubt.

Not one in that room could explain it, for each of their eyes had been closed.
But there on the desk beside her, was a fragrant long-stemmed pink rose.

And a child was blessed, if only for a moment, by the love of her shining star.
And given the gift of believing, that heaven is never too far.


They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

FW: Lions will eat anything

And now for something different (with apologies to the Animal lovers amoung you)

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimpanzee house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? "Feed them to the lions", he says to himself, "because lions eat anything." He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked and stung by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?" The other lion turns round and says....

"Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps and mushy bees"

FW: I'm not the only one then!

(Not sure who wrote this, but it could have been me! - Apart from the fact it's an American..)

For those of you that don't get this, you will! Your day is coming................................

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So,I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
- the car isn't washed
- the bills aren't paid
- there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
- the flowers don't have enough water
- there is still only 1 check in my check book
- I can't find the remote
- I can't find my glasses
- and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favour. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the heck I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

This'll make you think!

http://www.youtube.com/v/SmLhyPjHVes

Fw: Pay attention to the detail

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up. In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."

So, he goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years.

Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot. So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him.

He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing, "We missed the R, we missed the R".
His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With a choking voice, the old abbot replies, "After all these years..... the word was Celebrate ."

FW: What could happen if you type the wrong email address

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 yrs earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without noticing the error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've arrived
Date: October 16th, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I've just arrived and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then.
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!!!!

FW: Eye Test

Test your eyes

Just count every "F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS
OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...











HOW MANY ...................... 3?











WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN !







Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before
you scroll down.







The reasoning behind is further down.








The brain cannot process "OF".


Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!


Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Subject: Fw: Church Bulletin Bloopers!

(Jokes that have been passed onto me)

**************************************

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.

These sentences appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services:

* * * * * * * * *

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking
tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch
all the way from Africa.

* * * * * * * * * * *

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

* * * * * * * * * *

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

* * * * * * * * * *

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday
at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

* * * * * * * * *

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping
around the house.
Don't forget your husbands.

* * * * * * * * * *

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.

* * * * * * * * * *

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community.
Smile at someone who is hard to love.
Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

* * * * * * * * * *

Don't let worry kill you off......let the Church help.

* * * * * * * * * *

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again,"
giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

* * * * * * * * * *

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we
have a nursery downstairs.

* * * * * * * * * *

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

* * * * * * * * * *

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors
for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping.
She has requested tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which
the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

* * * * * * * * * *

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October
24 in the church and so ends a friendship that began in their
school days.

* * * * * * * * * *

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the
church hall.
Music will follow.

* * * * * * * * *

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be
"What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

* * * * * * * * * *

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the
addition of several new members and to the deterioration
of some older ones.

* * * * * * * * * *

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items
to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

* * * * * * * * * *

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the
deceased person you want remembered.

* * * * * * * * * *

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave
a healthy lunch.

* * * * * * * * * *

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super
entertainment and gracious hostility.

* * * * * * * * * *

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and
medication to follow.

* * * * * * * * * *

The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of
every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

* * * * * * * * * *

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the
park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come
prepared to sin.

* * * * * * * * * *

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the
congregation would lend him their electric girdles
for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

* * * * * * * * * *

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
Thursday at 7 PM.
Please use the back door.

* * * * * * * * * *

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's
Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

* * * * * * * * * *

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

**********************************************

The absolute End!

God's Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes,
Which God gave me to hold?
He said, "Put all! Your sorrows in the black box,
And all your joys in the gold."
I heeded His words, and in the two boxes,
Both my joys and sorrows I stored,
But though the gold became heavier each day,
The black was as light as before.
With curiosity, I opened the black,
Find out why,
And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole,
Which my sorrows had fallen out by.
I showed the hole to God, and mused,
"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"
He smiled a gentle smile and said,"
My child, they're all here with me."
I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,
Why the gold and the black with the hole?
"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,
The black is for you to let go.

Joey Tan - Teluk Intan, Perak, Malaysia