FW: Lions will eat anything

And now for something different (with apologies to the Animal lovers amoung you)

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.

The first is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realizing his employer won't be best pleased, he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimpanzee house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? "Feed them to the lions", he says to himself, "because lions eat anything." He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked and stung by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says, "What's the food like here?" The other lion turns round and says....

"Absolutely brilliant. Today we had fish and chimps and mushy bees"

FW: I'm not the only one then!

(Not sure who wrote this, but it could have been me! - Apart from the fact it's an American..)

For those of you that don't get this, you will! Your day is coming................................

Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only 1 check left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -they need water. I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor. So,I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:
- the car isn't washed
- the bills aren't paid
- there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
- the flowers don't have enough water
- there is still only 1 check in my check book
- I can't find the remote
- I can't find my glasses
- and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favour. Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember who the heck I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

This'll make you think!

http://www.youtube.com/v/SmLhyPjHVes